A Glimpse at Depression

I wrote this last night to get me out of a period where my head fell in on itself.  I have been using poetry over the years as a method of exploring my feelings and making sense of them, but this is the first time I have ever tried to write my out of a period of being extremely distressed, and I am happy to say that it worked.  So please take in to account the background state when I composed this, I make no apologies if you feel that things are over dramatised or melodramatic, I see this as a pretty accurate description.  I have thought a lot about whether to post this or not, it being very raw and personal.  However in the spirit of nothing ventured, nothing gained I decided to put it out there and see what happens.

If you want to gaze through my eyes, walk a mile in my shoes

I warn you, and beg of you that caution is used.

If you want to know what it's like to be ruled by depression,

Open you mind and I will teach you this lesson.

These words only a brief example,

A tiny fraction, a miniscule sample,

Of the effort it takes, to get through each day,

The strength that is needed to avoid mental decay.

This is a promise to the monsters who's prison

Hold the parts of my mind, that make life worth livin'

These words are my promise, my oath, my decree,

That one day this will end, and one day I'll be free.

No matter how many times that you knock me down,

You shred my smiles and leave me with frowns,

Bruise my heart and take away my hope,

Send my dreams up in puffs of black smoke.

Leave me beaten and senseless, disfigured and broken,

Lifeless and breathless with no reason spoken.

Leave me sobbing and shaking, hanging in tatters,

With no hope all, feeling like nothing matters.

Drive me to brink of endurance and suffering,

Have me staggering and swaying, limping and shuffling

Stretch out my emotions 'til they're almost transparent.

And cauterise my nerves with electrical current.

Burn my ambitions and rip apart my soul,

Leave me as a shell, dark, empty and cold.

Torture my brain, burn my thoughts to ashes,

Open old wounds, turn scars back to gashes,

You gut me, cut me, crush me and hurt me,

Flay me and shame me and try to enslave me.

What ever you do, however hard you try,

One thing remains on which you can rely,

I will crawl to my feet, battered and near beaten

As many time as it takes to get rid of these demons.

So no matter how many times you reduce my world to debris

You will never, I swear, never EVER beat me!